Sewage

 

Concern from some of our readers over recent activity on the estate has given us cause to
investigate.Reports were coming in of large diggers tearing up the fields that
had so much cash spent on them.

At first glance, we speculated the Trust
was looking to bury some more of its mistakes.Upon further inspection, we
realised the trenches were nowhere near deep enough for this, so we looked at
other options.Was this another exercise in reverting the reverted land? It
certainly had all the hallmarks of turning meadow fields into bog.

Or,
had they gone one step further with geocaching shenanigans. This is where the
National Trust at Tyntesfield have a budget for items to be hidden around the
estate. Those with the right equipment can come and find them. When found, a
little something can be left in the container as a momentum of your visit.

This is often seen on a bigger scale across the Trust. It is usually
deemed fly tipping. This is where idle swine looking to save money, secretly
dump unwanted crap around the countryside. Unfortunately most properties don’t
have a budget for this sort of activity and have to suffer. We suggest a leaf is
taken from the Tyntesfield scheme . The unwanted tyres, mattresses, and urine
stained three piece suite, could be placed at discreet locations in the woods,
where the public could search for them.

We looked at the possibilities
they were looking for missing staff. To be honest, you can’t have that amount of
staff leaving and not cause suspicion. Or was there to be a film made of the
First World War? The only thing lacking was figures in uniforms playing football
whilst dodging bullets fired from the offices. To be fair to the management it
was only flack that I took.

Then the truth emerged. There’s too much
faeces on the estate. It seems that the extra crap flowing through the
estate,has been causing great concern. The only way to solve the problem, before
someone shouts out ‘there she blows’, is to divert it all to the main line
sewage pipes far down below in the valley. That’s the way mumble some of our
readers, send the crap down the line, nothing changes.

Still, until this
work is completed, we must warn you that the driveways are hazardous with thick
mud. I was lucky having a 4×4, others on push bikes may find the going
dangerous? Whilst I worked on the estate I made the suggestion of fitting
composting toilets. These remarkable toilets are installed at other Trust
properties and some years ago I was given a tour and explanation to the
processing at a property on the Cotswolds.

The warden that looked after
them was very informative and his enthusiasm was quite contagious. There is very
little maintenance and the end product was used to fertilise the land – very
environmentally friendly.The response I received on my proposal to this idea at
Tyntesfield was, the public don’t like them. So what didn’t the public like? Was
it the gentle down draft from the fans? Or had the Trust installed some with the
fans blowing upwards by mistake? I could see that that would be cause for
concern.

Was the public not liking them a good enough excuse not to
install them? If people didn’t want to use them, that would be up to them. They
would have to suffer – maybe it could all be part of the Tyntesfield
(self-inflicted) experience. The Tyntesfield Vision could be renamed the
Tyntesfield Double Vision, with bargain offers of incontinence pants in the
shop.